upon death’s door ~ the Light

NDE

 

 

she rose up from body limp
to the light that warmed the universe
there she realized no fear of human death
for the beauty of the afterlife laid out before her soul’s eyes
sent back down not quite ready yet
she no longer entertained uncertainty for the loss of life
instead she oft dreamed of returning on over to that other side
it makes living this human life experience
much more charged with excitement and adventure
she doe not think it is necessary to survive
but rather to find the joy in all things including the struggles
as each passes too quickly compared to eternity

Ready but living

Sometimes wishing for that peaceful bliss of forever unafraid
It’s a reminder of living courageously today

 

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IN the Path of Totality

Beginning of total solar eclipse.

 

 

First I want to state something: For those who see nothing special about a total eclipse and say “ho hum”, please do not poop on my parade. I found it breath taking. To me it was a big deal. Go somewhere else to ho hum and leave my little high alone. Thank you. I respect your choice to brush it aside and I appreciate your respecting my choice to have this emotional, romantic experience that the universe has gifted.

From the venue to the friendly people to the nature and beauty of the universe, I am humbled to have been able to be on the path of totality and experience the total solar eclipse with a rather intimate group (compared to what were evidently crowds elsewhere) of human beings that also gasped in awe at the universe’s show of power. Pretty darned cool!!

I chose to arrive a couple of days early in order to be relaxed and to get familiar with the surroundings of the 60 acre winery. It was my last summer trip for this year. I am glad I chose the easy slower pace of the extra couple of days.

There are a lot of things I have done and experienced in my lifetime and this experience is right up there with the births of my beautiful loved children.

When Bailey’s beads appeared I sucked in my breath and almost forgot to breathe out until I let out a stunned ‘wow’. The diamond ring prior to that was distinct which signaled the soon to come totality.
Immediately upon hitting totality the glasses came off. Two minutes and 36 seconds might at certain times seem so very long (like during hard labor, lol) but in this case it just seemed like it was not long enough. I sat with head back looking up, hands open but for thumbs to pointy fingers on the arms of my chair and I simply inhaled and exhaled slow while letting go of this ridiculous human world and soaring on the cosmic winds.

Before the eclipse even started and right after I had set my stuff up I was quietly chatting with a man who had set up a telescope and camera when suddenly a gorgeous bald eagle floated by on a breeze. I stopped mid sentence and he looked up as well. It just seemed like it was all perfectly orchestrated to set the scene and the pace.

I now sit back in my hotel room, having finished a spicey chicken ceasar salad, sipping a last glass of wine trying to decide if I should shower to wash off the eclipse dust and human sweat before napping. HAH HAH! Driving back here I listend to the album by the Moody Blues: Days of Future Passed. To me perfect ending music to an amazing adventure.

There was something quite spiritual for me in this experience as there has been with only a very few other past experiences of which at the top are the births of my children. I am humbled, blessed and reminded that LOVE is just ever so amazing all by itself.

 

The Solar Eclipse Within

the solar eclipse within

 

Morning Meditation: The solar eclipse within.
Everything I observe is teaching me something about something inside of me.
If I can observe it, recognize it and understand it, it must be found somewhere within me.

Now opposites are equally important for in harmonizing with one another something is created.

I think we harmonize that we might become something more together rather than separated.

My heart seems to know ways that my mind is scared to follow and the eclipse within me is but brief til the light shines through again.

(Just as it is sure that the sun continues to shine behind the moon, so it is sure that within each os us the sun shines always. Allow the moon to move and then the light shines through.)

I LOVE YOU.

A Mother’s Pain

empty_by_luclamxu

 

(This is raw ~ I guess it just has to be.)

 

One does not throw themselves headlong knowing into the birth of a soulful despair.
Rather it comes in one hurling chunk of the rock of reality leaving the icey cold burned into the breath of innocence and then sits there waiting silently to gasp awake at any moment unannounced forever in the rest of that human life of the soul. Intertwined it is the strange thread that shimmers in the exposure to any bright light whether initiated by unexpecting query or the filtered flicker of sunlight through trees. I would not change any one of those exposures for they were necessary in the scheme of the greater universal love.

Weep. One cannot know a Mother’s pain from the outside in as the only heart listened to by the soul synced with the heart that once lies against the Mother’s heartbeat wells up from within to without then dissipates too soon from too small the human life.

My tears woke me up before the sun or the noise of humans ~ your heart captured in the soul could be heard and in my human experience my weeping simply held onto the pain like a blanket well worn familiar yet torn.

I am ok with the pain as a part of a much greater whole. The years between not wanting it here and it staying with no permission allows me to realize it is not my choice to wring out the last drop of care. It goes beyond human experience and it leaves me with a far deeper knowing that there is more far greater than just this bug walking this blue-green planet. I cannot explain it. Nor do I feel a need to be understood. BUT this Mother’s pain requires from time to time expression which is not easy yet inadequately if the ego tries it is nothing but mere words; when the heart tries it is at times a song of tribute and at others the song of a siren lost at sea.

I make no apologies to the eyes of others for the pain that my soul knows from the heartbeat synced with mine can not be ripped away when a life is gone. My hope is that perhaps the thought comes that pain simply juxtaposes against joy making both greater and not muted to unknown.

Thank you comes to my mind and suddenly a humble attitude of gratitude unlocks even more love allowing empathy and compassion to flow even more.

My tears flow and my fingers stop touching the keys.

 

 

Old Soul

vacay 4

“The bonds between ourselves and another person exists only in our minds. Memory as it grows fainter loosens them, and notwithstanding the illusion by which we want to be duped and which, out of love, friendship, politeness, deference, duty, we dupe other people, we exist alone. Man is the creature who cannot escape from himself, who knows other people only in himself, and when he asserts the contrary, he is lying.”
― Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inability to be accountable for one’s part in joint decisions made ~

for the person knows not how to work together cooperatively in all aspects

being more concerned for the self and outward appearances to all

losing the integrity the soul yearns for; yes the soul cries out unheard

wanting its freedom to become the integral part of the greater universe.

The ego denies and remands with no respect for any others

none even for that lonely soul

although the ego pretends to have a gawd

above its head

it has neglected the heart that was to be chorded

with gold thread

to the soul

that was thrust into the

body with a big head.

Upon weighty decisions to be made

The blue jay cackles on in agreement

As if to help with a decision in collaboration

Only upon flying away

Later to be called

The blue jay whistles from the distance

An angry Nay

Then in disowning

Never returns again.

The soft song of the innocent naive

heard briefly

will not be grieved

for the casting aside

was lack of the song’s acknowledgment

that the controller wanted regardless

of the destruction ~ the loss.

We cry not becuz we can not have

We cry becuz once again we lost

before we even knew

we would lose.

She sits with her head bowed

hands together like the child’s steeple

lips softly slightly apart

breathing silently in through the nose

exhaling out expelling the doubts

until she has arrived down deep within

where the soul whispers endearments

reassurances that indeed there shall be

no universal end for that which has been

will be always.

Nothing else now matters

as the thoughts subside

with an ocean wave that

left the shore long ago

weathered cheeks

having been swept by salty brine

remind that the beauty

is in the wisdom that came from

ancient experiences

not tomorrows.

Old soul that knows

that the juvenile

no matter the chronology of years

humans labeled ticking away

will someday be gone

no ceremonious goodbyes

just stripped away from

the remnants of ripped cloth

battered by years of demands

in storms denied

The old soul harbors no disdain

embraces the pieces of soul

left by the all knowing ego

that died simply in vain.

She lifts her head halfway

as the lashes open revealing

huge depths in the blues of the eyes

There ………..

JUMP

 

jump

 

mounting the ancient bleached stone steps one at a time

she moved quietly albeit somewhat belabored under the age

her eyes first cast down and then up with inhale and exhale

determination glowed in her gentle eyes as slight salty tears shivered

drying before crossing the threshold of her sturdy jaw line

her motivation to see the other side of a chaotic humankind
no temple atop the stairs stretched forth as if vanishing into blue sky
every now but then here a small token of someone who came before

her simplicity of the thought chanted under her breath was no need for why
there will be a brightness shining way up there
when she does finally arrive
there where the souls blend into that peaceful kindness of love for all time

in the darkness there has been light
in the light there was darkness
yet consulting the inner voice
listening to the sultry at times and soft aged at others
the whisper told of truth none other sound could impart

forever is not how long she climbs
rather just a brief human life time
every now and then a song breaks loose from her lips
to be heard by the meadows and yes even quieted birds

freedom is being without fear of not being accepted

what is

even choices will not matter when the last step is reached

where then she looks and then she becomes
nothing more than aire

jump

In your Moon

in the moon

 

The moon came through the open window
on an unexpected breeze
whilst I was sleeping.

It brushed the hair back from my face
then kissed me upon my forehead.
I smiled knowing you had sent it
as you have done ever since we parted.

In your moon
I slept
in peace.
Only touching my lips
to it,
as I awoke,
to send it back
to
You.