First I want to state something: For those who see nothing special about a total eclipse and say “ho hum”, please do not poop on my parade. I found it breath taking. To me it was a big deal. Go somewhere else to ho hum and leave my little high alone. Thank you. I respect your choice to brush it aside and I appreciate your respecting my choice to have this emotional, romantic experience that the universe has gifted.
From the venue to the friendly people to the nature and beauty of the universe, I am humbled to have been able to be on the path of totality and experience the total solar eclipse with a rather intimate group (compared to what were evidently crowds elsewhere) of human beings that also gasped in awe at the universe’s show of power. Pretty darned cool!!
I chose to arrive a couple of days early in order to be relaxed and to get familiar with the surroundings of the 60 acre winery. It was my last summer trip for this year. I am glad I chose the easy slower pace of the extra couple of days.
There are a lot of things I have done and experienced in my lifetime and this experience is right up there with the births of my beautiful loved children.
When Bailey’s beads appeared I sucked in my breath and almost forgot to breathe out until I let out a stunned ‘wow’. The diamond ring prior to that was distinct which signaled the soon to come totality.
Immediately upon hitting totality the glasses came off. Two minutes and 36 seconds might at certain times seem so very long (like during hard labor, lol) but in this case it just seemed like it was not long enough. I sat with head back looking up, hands open but for thumbs to pointy fingers on the arms of my chair and I simply inhaled and exhaled slow while letting go of this ridiculous human world and soaring on the cosmic winds.
Before the eclipse even started and right after I had set my stuff up I was quietly chatting with a man who had set up a telescope and camera when suddenly a gorgeous bald eagle floated by on a breeze. I stopped mid sentence and he looked up as well. It just seemed like it was all perfectly orchestrated to set the scene and the pace.
I now sit back in my hotel room, having finished a spicey chicken ceasar salad, sipping a last glass of wine trying to decide if I should shower to wash off the eclipse dust and human sweat before napping. HAH HAH! Driving back here I listend to the album by the Moody Blues: Days of Future Passed. To me perfect ending music to an amazing adventure.
There was something quite spiritual for me in this experience as there has been with only a very few other past experiences of which at the top are the births of my children. I am humbled, blessed and reminded that LOVE is just ever so amazing all by itself.
Morning Meditation: The solar eclipse within.
Everything I observe is teaching me something about something inside of me.
If I can observe it, recognize it and understand it, it must be found somewhere within me.
Now opposites are equally important for in harmonizing with one another something is created.
I think we harmonize that we might become something more together rather than separated.
My heart seems to know ways that my mind is scared to follow and the eclipse within me is but brief til the light shines through again.
(Just as it is sure that the sun continues to shine behind the moon, so it is sure that within each os us the sun shines always. Allow the moon to move and then the light shines through.)
I LOVE YOU.
(This is raw ~ I guess it just has to be.)
One does not throw themselves headlong knowing into the birth of a soulful despair.
Rather it comes in one hurling chunk of the rock of reality leaving the icey cold burned into the breath of innocence and then sits there waiting silently to gasp awake at any moment unannounced forever in the rest of that human life of the soul. Intertwined it is the strange thread that shimmers in the exposure to any bright light whether initiated by unexpecting query or the filtered flicker of sunlight through trees. I would not change any one of those exposures for they were necessary in the scheme of the greater universal love.
Weep. One cannot know a Mother’s pain from the outside in as the only heart listened to by the soul synced with the heart that once lies against the Mother’s heartbeat wells up from within to without then dissipates too soon from too small the human life.
My tears woke me up before the sun or the noise of humans ~ your heart captured in the soul could be heard and in my human experience my weeping simply held onto the pain like a blanket well worn familiar yet torn.
I am ok with the pain as a part of a much greater whole. The years between not wanting it here and it staying with no permission allows me to realize it is not my choice to wring out the last drop of care. It goes beyond human experience and it leaves me with a far deeper knowing that there is more far greater than just this bug walking this blue-green planet. I cannot explain it. Nor do I feel a need to be understood. BUT this Mother’s pain requires from time to time expression which is not easy yet inadequately if the ego tries it is nothing but mere words; when the heart tries it is at times a song of tribute and at others the song of a siren lost at sea.
I make no apologies to the eyes of others for the pain that my soul knows from the heartbeat synced with mine can not be ripped away when a life is gone. My hope is that perhaps the thought comes that pain simply juxtaposes against joy making both greater and not muted to unknown.
Thank you comes to my mind and suddenly a humble attitude of gratitude unlocks even more love allowing empathy and compassion to flow even more.
My tears flow and my fingers stop touching the keys.
“The bonds between ourselves and another person exists only in our minds. Memory as it grows fainter loosens them, and notwithstanding the illusion by which we want to be duped and which, out of love, friendship, politeness, deference, duty, we dupe other people, we exist alone. Man is the creature who cannot escape from himself, who knows other people only in himself, and when he asserts the contrary, he is lying.”
― Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time
Inability to be accountable for one’s part in joint decisions made ~
for the person knows not how to work together cooperatively in all aspects
being more concerned for the self and outward appearances to all
losing the integrity the soul yearns for; yes the soul cries out unheard
wanting its freedom to become the integral part of the greater universe.
The ego denies and remands with no respect for any others
none even for that lonely soul
although the ego pretends to have a gawd
above its head
it has neglected the heart that was to be chorded
with gold thread
to the soul
that was thrust into the
body with a big head.
Upon weighty decisions to be made
The blue jay cackles on in agreement
As if to help with a decision in collaboration
The blue jay whistles from the distance
The soft song of the innocent naive
was lack of the song’s acknowledgment
that the controller wanted regardless
of the destruction ~ the loss.
We cry not becuz we can not have
We cry becuz once again we lost
She sits with her head bowed
hands together like the child’s steeple
lips softly slightly apart
breathing silently in through the nose
exhaling out expelling the doubts
until she has arrived down deep within
where the soul whispers endearments
reassurances that indeed there shall be
no universal end for that which has been
having been swept by salty brine
is in the wisdom that came from
no matter the chronology of years
humans labeled ticking away
the remnants of ripped cloth
battered by years of demands
The old soul harbors no disdain
embraces the pieces of soul
left by the all knowing ego
that died simply in vain.
She lifts her head halfway
as the lashes open revealing
huge depths in the blues of the eyes
mounting the ancient bleached stone steps one at a time
she moved quietly albeit somewhat belabored under the age
her eyes first cast down and then up with inhale and exhale
determination glowed in her gentle eyes as slight salty tears shivered
drying before crossing the threshold of her sturdy jaw line
her motivation to see the other side of a chaotic humankind
no temple atop the stairs stretched forth as if vanishing into blue sky
every now but then here a small token of someone who came before
her simplicity of the thought chanted under her breath was no need for why
there will be a brightness shining way up there
when she does finally arrive
there where the souls blend into that peaceful kindness of love for all time
in the darkness there has been light
in the light there was darkness
yet consulting the inner voice
listening to the sultry at times and soft aged at others
the whisper told of truth none other sound could impart
forever is not how long she climbs
rather just a brief human life time
every now and then a song breaks loose from her lips
to be heard by the meadows and yes even quieted birds
freedom is being without fear of not being accepted
even choices will not matter when the last step is reached
where then she looks and then she becomes
nothing more than aire
The moon came through the open window
on an unexpected breeze
whilst I was sleeping.
It brushed the hair back from my face
then kissed me upon my forehead.
I smiled knowing you had sent it
as you have done ever since we parted.
In your moon
Only touching my lips
as I awoke,
to send it back
My soul sometimes bleeds through sleep, leaving me bewildered with a wakefulness that was less about thoughts and more about deep penetrating feelings that left scars so very long ago one almost but never forgets nor forgot.
I just wished there were even one other soul buried inside one other human that I might connect with in silent understanding so that sitting with no spoken words was a deep presence desired by both.
Like a human who wishes to fly ~ this soul has turned ghostly white waiting for its release.
Perhaps in the mists or even the darkness I might find you to commune with whilst both of our souls remain encased in these human sarcophagi.