upon death’s door ~ the Light

 

 

she rose up from body limp
to the light that warmed the universe
there she realized no fear of human death
for the beauty of the afterlife laid out before her soul’s eyes
sent back down not quite ready yet
she no longer entertained uncertainty for the loss of life
instead she oft dreamed of returning on over to that other side
it makes living this human life experience
much more charged with excitement and adventure
she doe not think it is necessary to survive
but rather to find the joy in all things including the struggles
as each passes too quickly compared to eternity

Ready but living

Sometimes wishing for that peaceful bliss of forever unafraid
It’s a reminder of living courageously today

 

IN the Path of Totality

 

 

First I want to state something: For those who see nothing special about a total eclipse and say “ho hum”, please do not poop on my parade. I found it breath taking. To me it was a big deal. Go somewhere else to ho hum and leave my little high alone. Thank you. I respect your choice to brush it aside and I appreciate your respecting my choice to have this emotional, romantic experience that the universe has gifted.

From the venue to the friendly people to the nature and beauty of the universe, I am humbled to have been able to be on the path of totality and experience the total solar eclipse with a rather intimate group (compared to what were evidently crowds elsewhere) of human beings that also gasped in awe at the universe’s show of power. Pretty darned cool!!

I chose to arrive a couple of days early in order to be relaxed and to get familiar with the surroundings of the 60 acre winery. It was my last summer trip for this year. I am glad I chose the easy slower pace of the extra couple of days.

There are a lot of things I have done and experienced in my lifetime and this experience is right up there with the births of my beautiful loved children.

When Bailey’s beads appeared I sucked in my breath and almost forgot to breathe out until I let out a stunned ‘wow’. The diamond ring prior to that was distinct which signaled the soon to come totality.
Immediately upon hitting totality the glasses came off. Two minutes and 36 seconds might at certain times seem so very long (like during hard labor, lol) but in this case it just seemed like it was not long enough. I sat with head back looking up, hands open but for thumbs to pointy fingers on the arms of my chair and I simply inhaled and exhaled slow while letting go of this ridiculous human world and soaring on the cosmic winds.

Before the eclipse even started and right after I had set my stuff up I was quietly chatting with a man who had set up a telescope and camera when suddenly a gorgeous bald eagle floated by on a breeze. I stopped mid sentence and he looked up as well. It just seemed like it was all perfectly orchestrated to set the scene and the pace.

I now sit back in my hotel room, having finished a spicey chicken ceasar salad, sipping a last glass of wine trying to decide if I should shower to wash off the eclipse dust and human sweat before napping. HAH HAH! Driving back here I listend to the album by the Moody Blues: Days of Future Passed. To me perfect ending music to an amazing adventure.

There was something quite spiritual for me in this experience as there has been with only a very few other past experiences of which at the top are the births of my children. I am humbled, blessed and reminded that LOVE is just ever so amazing all by itself.

 

The Solar Eclipse Within

 

Morning Meditation: The solar eclipse within.
Everything I observe is teaching me something about something inside of me.
If I can observe it, recognize it and understand it, it must be found somewhere within me.

Now opposites are equally important for in harmonizing with one another something is created.

I think we harmonize that we might become something more together rather than separated.

My heart seems to know ways that my mind is scared to follow and the eclipse within me is but brief til the light shines through again.

(Just as it is sure that the sun continues to shine behind the moon, so it is sure that within each os us the sun shines always. Allow the moon to move and then the light shines through.)

I LOVE YOU.

A Mother’s Pain

 

(This is raw ~ I guess it just has to be.)

 

One does not throw themselves headlong knowing into the birth of a soulful despair.
Rather it comes in one hurling chunk of the rock of reality leaving the icey cold burned into the breath of innocence and then sits there waiting silently to gasp awake at any moment unannounced forever in the rest of that human life of the soul. Intertwined it is the strange thread that shimmers in the exposure to any bright light whether initiated by unexpecting query or the filtered flicker of sunlight through trees. I would not change any one of those exposures for they were necessary in the scheme of the greater universal love.

Weep. One cannot know a Mother’s pain from the outside in as the only heart listened to by the soul synced with the heart that once lies against the Mother’s heartbeat wells up from within to without then dissipates too soon from too small the human life.

My tears woke me up before the sun or the noise of humans ~ your heart captured in the soul could be heard and in my human experience my weeping simply held onto the pain like a blanket well worn familiar yet torn.

I am ok with the pain as a part of a much greater whole. The years between not wanting it here and it staying with no permission allows me to realize it is not my choice to wring out the last drop of care. It goes beyond human experience and it leaves me with a far deeper knowing that there is more far greater than just this bug walking this blue-green planet. I cannot explain it. Nor do I feel a need to be understood. BUT this Mother’s pain requires from time to time expression which is not easy yet inadequately if the ego tries it is nothing but mere words; when the heart tries it is at times a song of tribute and at others the song of a siren lost at sea.

I make no apologies to the eyes of others for the pain that my soul knows from the heartbeat synced with mine can not be ripped away when a life is gone. My hope is that perhaps the thought comes that pain simply juxtaposes against joy making both greater and not muted to unknown.

Thank you comes to my mind and suddenly a humble attitude of gratitude unlocks even more love allowing empathy and compassion to flow even more.

My tears flow and my fingers stop touching the keys.