Old Soul

vacay 4

“The bonds between ourselves and another person exists only in our minds. Memory as it grows fainter loosens them, and notwithstanding the illusion by which we want to be duped and which, out of love, friendship, politeness, deference, duty, we dupe other people, we exist alone. Man is the creature who cannot escape from himself, who knows other people only in himself, and when he asserts the contrary, he is lying.”
― Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time

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Inability to be accountable for one’s part in joint decisions made ~

for the person knows not how to work together cooperatively in all aspects

being more concerned for the self and outward appearances to all

losing the integrity the soul yearns for; yes the soul cries out unheard

wanting its freedom to become the integral part of the greater universe.

The ego denies and remands with no respect for any others

none even for that lonely soul

although the ego pretends to have a gawd

above its head

it has neglected the heart that was to be chorded

with gold thread

to the soul

that was thrust into the

body with a big head.

Upon weighty decisions to be made

The blue jay cackles on in agreement

As if to help with a decision in collaboration

Only upon flying away

Later to be called

The blue jay whistles from the distance

An angry Nay

Then in disowning

Never returns again.

The soft song of the innocent naive

heard briefly

will not be grieved

for the casting aside

was lack of the song’s acknowledgment

that the controller wanted regardless

of the destruction ~ the loss.

We cry not becuz we can not have

We cry becuz once again we lost

before we even knew

we would lose.

She sits with her head bowed

hands together like the child’s steeple

lips softly slightly apart

breathing silently in through the nose

exhaling out expelling the doubts

until she has arrived down deep within

where the soul whispers endearments

reassurances that indeed there shall be

no universal end for that which has been

will be always.

Nothing else now matters

as the thoughts subside

with an ocean wave that

left the shore long ago

weathered cheeks

having been swept by salty brine

remind that the beauty

is in the wisdom that came from

ancient experiences

not tomorrows.

Old soul that knows

that the juvenile

no matter the chronology of years

humans labeled ticking away

will someday be gone

no ceremonious goodbyes

just stripped away from

the remnants of ripped cloth

battered by years of demands

in storms denied

The old soul harbors no disdain

embraces the pieces of soul

left by the all knowing ego

that died simply in vain.

She lifts her head halfway

as the lashes open revealing

huge depths in the blues of the eyes

There ………..

hunger

She was an eager to please

quick to frustrate

little child.

 

She desperately needed

all the hugs

one could afford.

 

Her most expensive prize

was the patience

required.

 

The reward ~

her acceptance and

unconditional love.

 

 

~~~~  ~~~~~  ~~~~  ~~~~~

As an educator who now gets to move around

several schools and several school districts

some of the most deeply emotional experiences

are the encounters with the needy children

that cross all income lines

as well as all ages ~

all grades.

To me this is my current calling ~

being semi retired

it is less about the money

and more so about the needs of the students

as well as believing in each one of them.

Some people mistake me ~

simply becuz they have not

inquired more deeply of me

~ that somehow I have less than intents.

The fact is my heart does not allow me any less thans ~

it demands of me that

I care.

Perhaps the care is not the care someone else chooses

in actions or even in words

but I do not expect that anyone else

care the way I choose to care.

I just hope more

WILL

Care!!

Hunger is in more than nutrition to fill the belly.

Hunger is:

  • the need for acceptance just as ‘I am’
  • the need for someone else to BELIEVE in them
  • the need to be seen as capable
  • the need to love and be loved

 

Fill them up that their hearts will shine even when the darkness might fall

and stars might be too far away for brief times in a long journey.

They  will do “the right thing” as their heart is opened even when their face is grimaced

in anger and pain.

 

I do not for a moment give up even on my own although they may not like how I choose to express or to care ~ it is still the right thing my heart knows to do.   I was fortunate and I am humbly grateful that someone in my life when I was but a child BELIEVED in me and tended to my heart that the LOVE might shine no matter what.   I shall pass it on in quiet gratitude during the last days of this lovely journey called LIFE!

 

Feed the Being where the needs are shown.  LOVE no matter what!  Patience when they do not want you near ~ for their own journey is what is clear only to their own heart.

If I should die before I wake …

rose-everything-is-exactly-as-it-is-supposed-to-be

~ everything is exactly as it is supposed to be ~

The moment I realized that the entire process called life which was inextricably tied to death with birth not being a beginning but rather a marker of so little in the greatness of much greater was the next level of freedom my soul dreamed of on its way to unified unconditional love.    Now why be bothered by so much fragile snags that are washed down river or cast up onto disappearing banks never to be seen again other than in the dregs of egos clinging to disrespectful delusions erroneously called hope. 

Live out on the edge of the process while floating above the under current of frothy foam.  Yet live with childlike wonder expecting the unexpected brilliance of abundance of love.  

            I am grateful for it all.                  Breathe stars.    Exhale ancient cosmic dust.  Creation is but energy changing born in the gentle shelter of love’s recessed pool.

                                      We start not all over again but rather after each rest moving not forward or back but upward to the next star.   Love like the love that loves without restraints, without comparisons, with only increased love.        

Gratitude unlocks the heart releasing more mysteries to the connection of the universe that is Universal Love.    

… from deep inside

 

how many kisses of the passion mixed with morning mists must now await

 

 

I traveled forever in the deserts of a million temples built by emperors devastated

 

 

struck dumb in the breaths of fears trembling for evers unknown

 

 

lonely sings the wailing of the notes yet to be sung 

 

 

give sound to the chords of a million tongues

 

 

wandering across the skies that venus would have begun 

 

 

laying down among the cosmic trails of long lost stars burst

 

 

shall that even one more soul find this my despair untortured

 

 

firmly deconstructed the bare threads once woven immortal

 

 

before the greyness of the nights’ fall comes the shrouded washed out blues

 

 

if it twould be the place to then find you

 

 

would then I gladly stand to await Thine arrival 

 

 

shift locks of hair away from the face now bared

 

 

tis but the eyes leading down into the depths

 

 

suddenly apparitons hide to not realize Thine softness bequeathed

 

 

there were torments that might have been fortold yet dismissed

 

 

oh to please you with every last longing breath

 

 

 

 

~ going deep that I might find the whispers centuries had left ~